On Villainy

Gonzo philosophy at its finest, but whatever. So okay, I'm thinking a lot about things like morals and faith. And in doing so I realized that I truly envy those with strong faith, most easily represented by religious people. Faith, true faith, the sort of stuff that makes people go to war because they believe God wrote the whole scenario, the sort of people who can have their religion torn to shreds in front of them, arguing the whole time, proving their loyalty to the cause or the thought or the whole damn thing.
I have noticed both in my roleplaying habits and in real life I think a lot about faith. It's something I don't feel I've had, not for very long at least. I began Christian of no particular denomination, mostly because my family said that was what we were and everyone else was one of those too, who knows. I became a teenager, realized I loved my best male friend, and that trying to understand a religion everyone belonged to and no one followed was quite a task indeed. So I left it behind. After brief teenage crushes on agnosticism and finally real no-sugar no-cream black atheism, I found a home in Wicca, a religion mostly useful for how damn easy it is to follow and understand - Do whatever the hell you want, just don't hurt anyone about it.

So getting back to villainy. Know that the sort of background that leads to something like Wicca is fucking bizarre to begin with, to seriously contemplate the rule of nature around, under, and above man, how despite every one of our attempts to be contrary we still succumb to the rhythm and measure of nature's beat, how even in our massive destruction we still become and are a part of the everlasting cycles that comprise the world we live in. On a less exhilarating note, know also the frustration of having a serious philosophical bond to your religion and having it filed under "New Age" with a great deal of stupid bullshit and given every ounce of respect that trash is by most of the people you meet and society itself.

I've reached a point in which it is no longer satisfying. Wicca feels like dry granola. GOod for you, good for the enviroment, nutritionally sound...but it tastes like fucking rocks in bread. I am considering Satanism, essentially Wicca without the "but harm no other" clause, but that's just a labeling, really, and confuses people - they think you mean "angsty pseduo-philosophical bullshitter" or "devil-worshipper", at least in America. IN fact I realized that faith is a substitute for something a lot harder to build on your own- confidence.

So this does all relate to villainy. I'm not talking about some Theatre-Major self-important bullshit here. All a Villain is is someone who breaks the rules for personal gain about all else. How far they are willing to go, which rules they are willing to break, these things vary, but the fact of the matter is every villain is unhappy with the world. This could be said for Heroes, too, the only actual difference is in the severity of the ambition. In other words: A Hero is willing to risk his life for his ideas. A Villain is prepared to risk the whole world.

And then I think - Why do I even care? Trying to stick to a "code", pulling my punches here and there - it might have made me more "morally sound" but I was still miserable. I could pat myself on the back and say I did the "right thing", but what the hell does that matter if I'm unhappy about every goddamn thing? What use are Heroes when it's the villains of the world who are willing to go all the way?

And then I realized that it was about Faith. A Hero stops because he has Faith in something - the Law, Justice, even God or any other God. But a Villain? He can claim God's direction, Fate's favor, even see himself as a hand of Justice - but to truly do what he knows must be done, a villain can only have Faith in one thing - Himself.

And so that is the answer. An honest one I can give any time my religion is questioned - I am the ALpha, the Omega, the whole damn greek alphabet. I will turn the weapon of Faith hoisted toward me back onto those who wield it, and I will destroy the world if that's what it takes to fix it.

I am CJ. Nothing can stop me.